Food - Not So Glorious Food

I used to love food, though I am more of a savoury girl than chocolate or sugar.  Post sleeve I am learning exactly how much I lived for food.  I ate for comfort, drowned my sorrows with wine and could eat whatever I wanted without feeling full.

Things are different now but I am learning that my eyes really are bigger than my tummy!  I know that my tummy can now only hold about 200ml but when I prepare food I just serve myself way too much.  Normally a quarter of the way through I am full - totally full.  There is no way I can eat anymore.  The rest keeps ending up in the bin.

I also need to think about drinking water.  I can't drink right before, during or after my meal.  The result is like pushing the food down into my tummy and then it simply bounces right back up.  I few times I have taken a sip only to suddenly remember and spit it back out again.

My focus is still on soft food and I have tried some lasagna (mushed up), toast and cottage cheese and I even tried some cous cous the other day.  The important focus is protein atm and I need to eat protein first and with every meal.  Protein keeps me full, helps with with weight loss and gives me the energy I need. 

The other thing that is strange is the way some things taste - sometimes things that I used to love are horrible.  Last Friday I decided to have a taste of my previously loved wine with some friends.  At first it was really vinegary and took me a few sips over an hour to enjoy the taste.    After I had finished my glass I was satisfied and happy, I didn't feel the need to race back and have another.  This is such a different life than the old me.

Well I guess it is time to grab some lunch.... although I know I am not feeling very hungry!

Week 3 - So Close

Well this week has just flown by!  I really feel like I am in a new head space.  Over the weekend food really wasn't on my mind at all which is so different to the old me cause food used to be a main focus of fun and being happy.

So this week I have lost 2.4kg bringing my total to 9.8kg - damn that .2!  I now weigh 93.2kg.

My body feels totally back to normal - no pain and everything is healing really well.  I am able to drink a little more at a time now instead of having to sip which I am thankful for in this hot weather.

Everything is feeling a little saggy - my tummy and boobs are both a little deflated and I am wondering how they are going to go as more weight drops off.  I saw a a dear friend on the weekend and she commented that stretch marks and saggy bits are all badges of motherhood - such a wonderful and positive way of looking at it and feeling proud of the body we have post babies.

So here are my incisions three weeks on.  Three small ones and two larger ones, only a little bit of bruising now.  The other mark under my breast is an old one - so don't worry about that one.

Everything Old Is New Again!

Well I am feeling great today because I have managed to fit back in to my size 16 jeans!  It is amazing how one little size can make such a difference to your outlook.  I feel confident and positive and ready to take on the world.  Time to pull out all the smaller sizes that have been hiding in the back of robe.

I have also manage to go down a size in my work pants and in fact everything is feeling so much better.  My underwires are no longer rubbing!

I have been trying to eat a little more - small meals more often as I am trying to stop the plateau.  I was just eating so little and I am sure my body was going into starvation mode.  The extra food has restarted the weight loss and kept me moving in the right direction.

So here is a pic for today back into size 16 jeans....

Week 2 - Post Sleeve

I really can't believe that it has been two weeks since my operation.  This time two weeks ago I was still in recovery and apparently chucking my guts out!

My weight loss this week is .9kg so things have slowed after my huge loss last week.  I am now 95.6kg and feeling really good.  I have no pain, my incisions are healing well and the bruises are fading. My clothes are feeling loose and my bras are fitting so much better.  My skin is also looking great - it is amazing what no sugar and crap can do for you.

I returned  to work today and had several comments about looking "fresh" and "glowing".  It is as though they can't quite but their finger on what is different.  Two people also mentioned that they thought I had lost weight. 

My daily food is still protein shakes, yogurt and soups.  Though today I followed my same day sleeve mate, Stacey and introduced 2 cruskits with cottage cheese for lunch, I also had a scrambled egg for dinner.  I am focusing on high protein and sipping water all day to keep my fluids up.

I feel so positive about the direction I am heading, I feel strong and confident that I am changing my life forever.

Learning the Hard Way

Being newly sleeved it is hard to know what you can and can't eat.  In this initial phase it is a liquid diet - protein shakes, yogurts, soups and the like.  My new stomach can only handle about 200mls at a time, so I eat slowly and try not to overdo it.

I am not hungry, not really at all.  It is more a mental thing - you smell something and it smells yummy, I would love to taste it but I know eating it will hurt, and when I stop and think about it I am not actually hungry.  Kinda strange really.  I sometimes find myself standing at the fridge door - just looking in...  I am not hungry so I guess it is habit and boredom.

I have spent some time thinking about my emotional needs on food.  I think that they were greater than I actually dared to admit or even realised.  Food and wine has been my emotional crutch for long while now.  I haven't have anything to "drink" since being sleeved and it feels good.

I must keeping remembering to take my time - food and drink must be slow.  I couple of times I really have totally forgotten and hence learnt the hard way.  If I gulp a few mouthfuls of water or eat something that I shouldn't (like some of Abby's boiled egg this morning) then it hurts.  The best way of describing it is like you have swallowed a dish sponge full of water....  you feel it slide down, then it hits my little tummy and ouch!!! the pain is intense.  So it is all a learning phase.  Slow and steady.

Week 1 Post Sleeve

So here I am one week down and feeling pretty good.  As you may or may not know I sucked at Opti - after the surgeons office said that it didn't have to do it if I didn't want to I was pretty slack and only had a .7kg loss the week before my op.  Since sleeve day I have lost a massive 5.8kg!!!

My body seems to be finding it's rhythm.  I have past the initial constipation and moved onto a - shall we say - more liquid issue, but I am sure things will settle down.

Starting to see some changes in my face and tummy.  I am noticing the cold much more than ever before in fact I was never really cold - the last few nights I have been freezing.  I had also been suffering from sweating attacks several times a day, they are horrible and embarrassing and I have no idea which part of my badly operating body was responsible but I am so pleased to say that they are gone!  Gone completely!  My pillow is try at night, I can straighten my hair without dripping and I have even been wearing jumpers!

I'm Sleeved!

Well it is all done!  I am on the other side and life seems so good.  I am not in any real pain, I have lost kilos upon kilos and I’m not hungry!  I haven’t vomited, I am feeling stronger and stronger every day and best of all my horrible daily sweats seem to have vanished.

For those of you who love details I have lots for you, so settle in and take yourself back to Monday 5^th September….

I knew I had to fast so I was up early for a protein shake at 6am and was a little stressed that I wasn’t going to be able to eat all day. Got the kids off to kindy, did some last minute shopping with Mum before packing and showering and heading to the local private hospital. 

The roundabout started when we arrived at noon for my 3.30pm surgery – first to Reception, and then passed off to the surgery lounge (1), called to the desk and signed about 10 forms, seated in the next lounge(2). Met my lovely jovial anaesthetist and ran through lots of details, on the scales, bp and past surgery.  Back to the lounge(2) and by this time Mum was getting hungry and I decided that she should go and come back and meet me in my room post op. Next a nurse calls me in and checked all my details once again and moves me to another lounge(3) – let’s call it the freezing lounge because even I was shivering.  Next the pathology lady comes and vamps my blood and I am really surprised she could find a vein let alone blood that wasn’t frozen!  Still waiting in lounge (3) – and finally they come and get me explaining that they are really running behind and to take me to the pre-op ward.  I use the bathroom and change into the lovely gown, compression stockings, sockettes and hat.  I spend the next hour watching tv and waiting.  Finally a cheery wardsman comes to collect me and wheels me what seemed like kilometres to the pre-theatre room.  Apparently there will be another few minutes to wait as the previous patient is still on the table!  Every few minutes someone pops in to see if all is well and introduces themselves including my surgeon.  Soon my smiley anaesthetist comes in and prepares me for the next few minutes, he puts the drip in my hand, makes small talk and they wheel me into theatre.  I take a look around, say a hi to everyone and then I am off to sleep.  It was approximately 5.20pm.

The next memory that I have is arriving back in my room – seeing my Mum, trying to throw up and finding out that it had just gone 9pm.  Apparently I didn’t do too well in recovery and they kept me there for about 2 hours.  I have no memories of that time and I am thankful.

The night passes slowly, lots of wake ups to check stats, a trip to the bathroom, and before I know it morning has arrived.  I am feeling pretty good, no bad pain, able to get up and use the bathroom and a lovely lady comes and helps me to shower.  My surgeon comes and checks me over as do the registrars. I am using my little pain button a little and sipping on my water.  I doze in between servings of bad daytime TV.  As we head into the night I start to get a headache but don’t think too much of it.  By 9pm it is the worst headache I have ever had.  Every little thing hurts my head - the nurse’s chatter, the man coughing in the room across the hall, the light under the door and especially my drip machine which beeps each time it gets close to running short on any of the three substances on my drip tree.  I have a cry to the nurses…  surely there is something they can do and I wade through the night into Wednesday morning feeling like I have met with hell - yet still my tummy is feeling fine.

Over the course of the day they try O2, Ibuprofen, take me off the pain button and try another med.  I can’t move, I shake, sweat and almost vomit anytime I get out of bed.  I refuse a shower, ask them to keep my door closed and the curtains pulled and continue to try and sip my water.

My phone is getting so many calls and texts but I turn it to silent – I just can’t even bare to look at the screen. Night comes and things feel a little better.  I drug up and manage a little more sleep but not before I learn to turn off that damn drip machine beeping.

Thursday morning I feel a little brighter.  My vein collapses and they take out the drip… something I was delighted about.  Mum arrives after finishing 48 hours on shift and comes to my rescue with some yummy juice and wet washer for my head.  She helps me shower and change into my own pjs.  I am still feeling weak and my head still hurts but things are looking up. 

As the hours past I feel better, I try to get moving and not nap too much and before I know it Friday morning is here and I am given permission to come home. They still weren’t able to tell me what caused the headache.  The drugs, the GA, dehydration, the body detoxing – but it was horrible.

Since I have been home I am getting better and better each day.  The only thing that hurts is my leg which is bruised from all the anticlotting injections but I didn’t even have to take any panadol today.  I do get some slight pulling if I turn the wrong way, my five incisions are a little bruised but otherwise I am feeling great.